How often have you had no time for your art, writing or music because you simply had to do something else?

We all suffer from life’s daily pressures and the list is endless: I have to finish this report; I have to tidy the living room; I must visit my granny; I have to meet my friend again for a drink; I must clean my bike/car/shoes… and on, and on…

Now just hold on there, I hear you saying – these things do have to get done, otherwise our friends and family will hate us and life will generally grind to a halt in a mountain of dirt and confusion. And I’ll probably get fired too.

You know what? I agree. There are lots of tasks, chores and more enjoyable activities that have to be done. And there are also lots that we tell ourselves must be done that are actually a matter of choice. I’ll come back to that last point in a subsequent posting, but see also Time Theft 1 – the Anatomy of a Crime Against Our Creative Self. Let’s concentrate now on the jobs we perceive have to be done.

If all these jobs that have to be done are stopping you from ever finding your cherished creative time, or are constantly eating away at your creative time so that you rarely find satisfaction from it, then it’s my guess that you are suffering from a nasty dose of false priorities.

Because let’s face it, if you are effectively putting everything before your creativity, you must be giving it all a higher priority. Now how crazy is that?

Now I’m not suggesting that you stop doing all these different things – though some of them you probably could stop – I’m saying that priority-wise many of these activities have got way above themselves in your list of unconscious, assumed priorities. They clamour for urgent attention when urgency isn’t required. They insist on taking your times of peak energy when they really don’t need it, and they demand your guilt and self approbation if you don’t do them.

Or is it you doing all that?

Time then, to put a stop to all this false prioritising and get things back in proportion. Time to get your creativity back on the priority list.

Reconsidering Your Priority System

Here are some sentences for you to think about and complete for yourself. The aim here is to get you to reconsider your current priority system.

I must/have to ……… or ………

Example: I have to tidy the house – or – the house won’t feel tidy. Notice the lack of real consequence in the outcome part of this sentence. Often it’s simply not urgent that the job be done now. However, some jobs can have serious consequences if you don’t take them on. In that case try:

I must do this job during my creative time or ………

Example: I must do this job during my creative time or it will have to be done some other time.

Okay, there will be times when there are deadlines that really do have to be met. But in almost all cases where a job becomes that urgent, it’s because you’ve not taken the opportunities to plan and do it at other times other than your creative slots. And the reason we don’t take those opportunities is usually because we can’t be bothered or don’t get round to it.

But the clear message here is that when we don’t organise and utilize our time it’s usually our artistic and creative output that takes the hit.

Let’s try a different tack.

I can’t find any creative time today/this week because ………

Examples:

• nothing whatsoever can be re-arranged or better organised.
• absolutely everything else is actually more important to me than my artwork/music etc.
• (fill in the blanks) ……… and ……… are more important than my creativity *note – most people, myself included, have other things at the very top of their priority list, and that’s fine – but should they really be pushing it off the page?
• I choose to make ……… and ……… more important than my creativity

If you’ve completed these questions, even in your head, you should now be getting some idea of activities that you’ve been falsely prioritising above your creative time. It can be a real wake-up call to write these down and think about the effect it’s having on you and on what is probably one of the most fulfilling parts of your life.

So take some time to recognise the false priorities that are eating up your day and move them down that list. Then take a seat and figure out how to do things differently.

Make sure your creativity gets the priority it deserves.

***

Falling off the Horse
Time Theft 1 – the Anatomy of a Crime Against Our Creative Self

Recognise this? You’ve hit one of those periods where people and events have made demands and more demands on your time and energy. You’ve heard yourself saying ‘yes, of course I can help’ and ‘no, I don’t mind at all’ – in fact you’ve even found yourself volunteering for things when no-one even asked.

And you get to a point where you can feel the pressure building and building because you just can’t get to your own stuff due to the weight of everyone else’s and then along comes someone – someone you like or love, with the teensiest request that really is no imposition and… KABOOM!

You’ve exploded at them and laid out all those built up grievances at their poor unsuspecting feet. Did that help? No it certainly did not. Do you feel better? Hell no.

I guess most of us have been there at one time or another. I know I certainly have. But how do we do it differently? How do we handle it better and get on with the things we really want to, whether it’s creative or otherwise? One drastic solution is to just say no to everything – to focus exclusively on your passion at the expense of everything and everyone around you.

And let’s face it, much great art has been created like that. If you fancy the idea of being the angst-ridden, booze addled, self absorbed creative genius – go right ahead.

Me? No, I don’t fancy it. For a start, I like being involved with my family and friends. I like doing things with them and I like helping out when I can. I’m also very mindful, and grateful, of the help I get from them when I need it. So striking a balance is important to me. And when I have to say no, or want to say no, then saying it nicely is important too.

Saying no nicely

Here’s something to think about – when you’ve learned to say no nicely, you don’t have to say it as often as you’d think. That’s because those serial time thieves we talked about in the previous post know who the pushovers are and go straight for them. Or they begin to understand that your time is as valuable as their own and decide to spend their own time instead of yours.

So how do you do it? How do you learn to say no nice but firm and finally begin to take back control of your own time? Here’s my method.

The first thing is to make the correct decision. Learn to listen to your feelings. Get in touch with the signals your body and brain are giving you and trust them. If you are about to say yes, do a quick cost/benefit analysis. What’s the cost to you and what are the benefits? If the costs outweigh the benefits, how happy are you with paying the cost?

Once you’ve decided to refuse a request there’s the actual art of saying no and meaning it.

Step 1
Be generous in acknowledging the other person’s request. For instance:

• It’s really kind of you to think of me and another time I’d love to come along, but…

• I can see why you need some help and I’d like to have been involved, however…

You can see that these statements are in two parts. The first part is showing that you’ve heard them, which is always powerful; the second part shows your willingness in other circumstances. Only add the second part if you really mean it or feel the need for extra tact.

Step 2
Calmly assert your own priorities or preferences:

• I’ve been really busy and prefer some quiet time tonight

• I’ve set aside some time for my artwork and it’s very important that I do it

• I’ve got an important music project that I very much want to focus on

It’s that simple. Basically, what you are doing is acknowledging their need and then calmly asserting your own. But what if they persist in trying to persuade you?

Here’s a fantastic technique called the ‘Broken Record’, developed by Dr Zev Wanderer (yes, that’s right) and described in Alan Garner’s wonderful book, Conversationally Speaking. It’s easy and has worked brilliantly for me and for coaching clients I’ve introduced it to.

The Broken Record technique works against anyone who is trying to persuade you of something or simply won’t take no for an answer. Try it on pushy sales people too!

1. Acknowledge any truth in their argument: I can see you are passionate about this; I understand your concerns…
2. Repeat your original reason for saying no. Do not offer further explanation or counter arguments – just repeat what you’ve already said.
3. Keep repeating points 1 and 2. Believe me, you won’t have to do it often.

If you’re not used to saying no to people and find the idea scary, then do a little role play with yourself first. It’s surprising how much difference a little practice makes. You can also try it first on someone you feel comfortable with. It’s also very worthwhile to clearly visualise the things you want to achieve.

Remember the time thieves will have your time if they can get it. How much better to give your time as a gift when you really want to. And that can mean a gift to others or a genuine gift to yourself.

* * *

What’s your experience here? Your comments are appreciated.

As a personal development professional I’m well versed in using time effectively – I’m coaching people all the time about it, and of course, effective time management is vital for me too. But you know what? Those time thieves are sneaky blighters! I have to maintain constant vigilance if I’m to get the better of them.

One thing is for sure – time thieves are a major cause of creative frustration and failure. And time theft is one of the primary reasons why so many people lose their creative and artistic dreams.

In fact now I’ve got going on this subject – it could be the primary reason.

But hang on a minute! I’m talking theft here – crime against ourselves that’s perpetrated by others. That’s a serious charge. And not entirely accurate. Sure, there are always events clamouring for attention, and people willing to use our time up in a way they’d never use their own, but what about our own responses to them? Could we also be at fault?

Below you’ll find a typical request from a time thief, though it’s worded a touch more obviously than the thief would do it. Don’t forget that although this example is from a person, events and deadlines can be at least as bad if we let them. Following the thief’s request is a list of possible responses. I’ve helpfully ranked these -in reverse order – for dramatic effect. Where appropriate I’ve added stage directions in italics.

TIME THIEF: Hey- how’s things? (doesn’t wait for response) Friend, I need your precious and valuable time more than you do. Can I just take it?

Responses:

# 5
VICTIM: (without a thought) Okay – there you go.

# 4
VICTIM: well… I was going to spend some quality time on my own stuff – but I guess it’s just not to be.

# 3
VICTIM: (THINKING – if only I were strong enough to say no, to risk disapproval – but I’m not, so…) Okay, but only if you tell me how wonderful I am for always being there.

# 2
VICTIM: (Reluctantly and for effect – a picture of Joan of Arc, or any other martyr who sacrificed themselves for the good of others, flashing satisfyingly through their mind) Oh…I suppose your need is greater than mine. And I am so selfless.

And at # 1
VICTIM: Ha! I see you for what you really are! Nothing more than a vampire who will only be happy having drained away my very life blood! Well… well… okay. Where would you like to bite? Arm? Neck? (bares neck willingly as the vampire steps in)

What’s the point I’m making here? It’s not a comfortable one to take on board – but it’s this – when it comes to time theft we are often at least as responsible as the perpetrators. We’re leaving the keys in an unlocked car, a purse on the top of our bag, or our wallet sticking temptingly out of our back pocket. It’s more like a give-away than a crime.

And it’s also possible to see that we gain some ‘benefits’ ourselves. It may be that saying yes allows us to avoid conflict – but it may also feed an insecure need for approval and respect that paradoxically loses that respect from both self and others.

So who does get respect? I’d suggest it’s the kind of person who understands the value of their own time and the value of their own pastimes – a person who will offer help when it’s really needed, or when they’d genuinely like to, but who also knows how to say no gracefully when they have other things they’d rather do.

I’ll look at some ways of achieving that in my next post:
Time Theft 2 – How to Say No Nice but Firm

What’s your experience of Time Theft? Please leave a comment.