The Joy of Hugging
Published by Andrew Leigh September 5th, 2008 in Happiness.We British can be terribly stiff about hugging.
Friend and colleague Jeni Mumford was out in the streets of historic York the other day giving out free hugs. She gives a wonderful account of her exploits on her Jeni Starfish blog - and knowing Jeni for the warm and sparkling person that she is, I’m sure she spread an awful lot of happiness.
I was taught to hug - yes it’s true, I had to be taught - by the wonderfully exuberant Ozzie novelist Kathryn Heyman. We were students on the MA in Writing course at Sheffield Hallam University and at that time my whole family was shockingly untouchy/feely - a very loving family who waved hello and goodbye to each other from a suitably safe distance.
Kathryn gently ridiculed my English reserve and insisted on a hug whenever we met. I may not have said it before - so, thank you Kathryn. You changed my life.
Well, whether my family were latent huggers, secret huggers or I was just blind to it - we very quickly became a family of hug enthusiasts. It’s great - such a beautiful way of expressing your love or friendship.
There are notable exceptions of course - brother Martin and brother-in-law Mike take a bow. And my two sons-in-law, Andy and John have to make do with a handshake. But that can change - providing I’m brave enough.
So here’s a vow: Martin, Andy & John watch out - you’re getting a hug the next time we meet. Mike, I think, will be more of a challenge so he’s safe for now.
Intermittent Hugger
Outside my family I’m an intermittent hugger - greetings are mostly a hearty handshake or a kiss on the cheek, but even that’s big progress compared to a few years back. I’m what you might call ‘ready to hug’. If I sense it’s appropriate and welcome then great, but I do play it safe so I’m probably not hugging some folk who are also ‘ready to hug’. If you’re one of those people then let me know. Perhaps we should wear a badge!
One thing for sure - the next time I see Jenny our customary peck on the cheek is out and a nice hug of pure warmth and friendship is in.
Challenge
And here’s my challenge to you - hug someone new and change the world.
Kathryn Heyman did & so did Jeni Mumford. Now it’s our turn
(p.s. I’m serious about the badge)
p.p.s - check out this brilliant heartwarming video that gets better and better.
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It was indeed a great opportunity to spread some happiness and I think I spent the entire two hours smiling and laughing, in amongst the hugging and dancing along to my busking nephews. Not a bad payback for my time!
There is another blog posting in this maybe and I’ll share a bit here, Andy. One of the most amusing parts of it all was seeing the reactions of people who didn’t QUITE buy into it. One woman spotted us and said indignantly to her friend “Have you SEEN what those two are up to?!” as if we were handing out firearms or class A drugs. It couldn’t have been better if she had had rollers in her hair, arms akimbo and standing on a doorstep. The Great British Polite Reserve was also out in force. “Not just for the minute, thank you” was a fairly common response or “Oh no, don’t go to any trouble.”
But perhaps the most telling (and British) aspect of it was at one point we actually had people forming an orderly queue!
Would never happen in Italy…
Looking forward to sharing that hug Andy, I’ll hold you to it!
Cheers Jeni - Hard to believe they could say no.
I should also give an honourable mention to my other brother, Rob, who is a true champion hugger. He tells me that he has to hold back from hugging at the end of business meetings. But then I’ve never met anyone who builds rapport so effortlessly as Rob.
I love hugs! I am also English but my family are *very* cuddly/kissy people so I have inherited that.
More hugs, I say!
I’m not a huggy person at all, but I have been known to hug Gaina when she makes me. (i’m pleasantly suprised at the fact that i’m following her in your comments here!) My friend Kimya Dawson has had a policy of giving free hugs at her gigs for years- it’s alway nice to see a queue of people lining up to be hugged by her, and due to her infectious huggy-nature whenever I see her I instinctively reach out for a hug, despite the fact I rarely hug people.
I’m a little in shock as i’ve been reading your blog for a while now and this is probably my first ever comment, and when I finally get round to commenting here I see my friend has beat me to it!
So Camilla - how about giving Gaina a hug voluntarily the next time you see her.
I’m with you on the more hugs front, Gaina - though I’m off to the pub now and I’m not sure this particular northern pub is ready for it yet!