Achievement Envy – Be Inspired or Be Crushed by the Creative Success of Others.
Published by Andrew Leigh July 27th, 2007 in Creativity, Barriers and Blocks, Just Doing It, Mind Power.Here’s a shameful confession. When confronted with the achievements of certain other creative people I have often felt smaller, less able and threatened. I call it Achievement Envy.
As a life coach who knows all about positivity and beating back those negative internal voices, I hate that I can experience such negative feelings. I know they can turn into negative outcomes such as a diminished self image and lowered creative output.
Yet I still have them.
Okay, I have them. But what do I do with them? Well – these days, and where I can, I find ways of using them positively.
That starts by acknowledging their existence: taking ownership of them and facing up to the fears that are behind them. I think these fears about the creative and artistic success of others fall into two categories:
- skill based
- achievement based
In my case the skills based negativity shows itself when listening to certain guitarists. Mark Knopfler comes to mind – especially his dazzlingly precise playing on the very first Dire Straights album.
The Thinking Behind Skills Based Achievement Envy
When I’m in the grips of this, the thinking is very simple – something like: I’ll never get to that level, so what the point in trying – or – what can I possibly offer that’s not already been done better? You may have other dialogues. It would be good to hear them.
How I Get Over Skills Based Achievement Envy
First of all I recognise the enjoyment and fulfilment I find in learning about and continuously growing my creative skills. Even if I never get any good (but I will) I’m still getting an awful lot out of it on a daily basis. I don’t think I’m being negative in seeing Knopfler-like skills as beyond my reach – I’m 53 years old and didn’t start playing until after my 50th.
But I firmly believe that I can and will reach a level that allows me to play around with my musical creativity and produce some good music of my own. In the meantime I’m having a lot of fun.
I look at it this way – if I were to climb Ben Nevis (highest mountain in
I also do a sort of cost/benefit analysis. It goes like this: How much work would I need to do to reach the higher summits. Do I have that amount of desire or dedication to do it? If the answer is no, there’s no point whatever in fear and negativity. What I can do is aim for success on my terms – never on the terms of others. Does this attitude sound defeatist? Well, it certainly is not. You can achieve far more, and enjoy your creative growth far more, with this realistic and positive approach.
Achievement Based Envy
Again I’m talking about my own experience here – you may have different experiences. My own achievement based negativity has usually come from self-comparison with people in my circle – my peers and contemporaries. One of the things I loved about becoming a coach was the way I learned to embrace other people’s skills and abilities without feeling threatened by them.
It’s a strange experience being among a group of generous minded people who are willing to celebrate each others abilities without feeling compromised themselves. Strange but very, very good.
When I did my Masters in Writing I wasn’t like that. Although I did feel genuinely pleased when others had success, there was often a hidden seed of dissatisfaction that is wasn’t me who’d made the breakthrough. And sometimes their success (which, remember, had no bearing on my own ability) eroded my confidence and filled me with doubt.
How I Get Over Achievement Based Envy
Well, I’m still working on it I guess. After all, measuring our own success in terms of the success of others is almost bred into most of us.
But there are two ways of looking at it – it can crush you, or it can inspire you. And the choice really is yours. Let’s face it, it’s an easy choice. Being crushed brings about feelings of victimhood – uselessly longing for what might have been and constantly drinking those bitter juices of other people’s creative success. Who wants that?
Being inspired by the artistic achievements of others is a very different matter. Instead of focusing on the bad cards you were dealt, and perhaps, the equally bad decisions you’ve made (if only I’d…) you focus on where you are now and what you need to do to move on. You free yourself of the fear and doubt that comes with comparison to others and instead applaud their success.
And then you look at what you can do, what you are willing to do and what the rewards will be for doing it. And finally, you focus on getting reward from each time you practise your own brand of creativity.
Definitely focus on the destination if it’s important – but make sure too that you enjoy every single step along the way.
Other related postings:
Achievement envy, ah yes, I know it well! Luckily, it is rare these days. Now that I am older, more secure, and have my own successes; I rarely feel that “twinge”. When I was younger, I could really lose sleep over it. Through the years I taught myself to use these feelings of envy to my advantage. Whenever my mind would wander and I felt feelings of inadequacy compared to others, I would take my emotional pulse. I would ask myself why I was feeling this way. I would analyze what it was the other person had and I wanted. Then I would figure out a way to get it for myself.
The only time I really get a bad case of jealousy now is when I am at a lecture or at work and someone is introduced as “Dr. So and so”. That sets me spinning. I started my Ph.D. and never finished it. However, I have to be honest with myself. After doing my own cost/benefit analysis, I dropped out the program because I didn’t see the point of getting in such deep financial debt. When I remember this, the twinge goes away fast. I am responsible for and accept my decision. However, it sure would be nice to be called “Dr. Sheree”! LOL
Too true Andy and here is my own live and kicking example! Since you have been back posting more regularly I have been conscious of my own absense from my beloved blog. Lots of good reasons but within that some excuses so I feel a tad guilty. Because I love blogging and I know it is good for me in all areas of my life and business. So when your post notification arrives at times like this there is a tiny little stab that happens for me which is to say - well, Jeni, Andy’s out there doing it, why not you? And it is not an especially helpful stab in itself because it can lead into the “beat self up cycle.” Here is what moves me on. I choose to read your post. No matter how busy I am. Because I know that your honest and thoughtful reflections will inspire and motivate me. And they do.
That is the power of creativity, that when it comes from the best part of us, it touches people in ways we never quite know.
So I thank you for being one of the creative talents who gifts me with inspiration. There will be a blog posting from jenistarfish very, very soon and in part it is down to you…
Sheree
Yes I agree, a sense of being personally secure is vital, and having some success of your own makes a big difference too. But when you haven’t yet achieved that, your description of owning your feelings and using them positively is absolutely key.
Thanks for your input - and your artwork looks great by the way.
Thanks Jeni
Very kind words - you’ll send me all shy and retiring if you’re not careful.
I really look forward to your postings too. Worth checking out for anyone who’s not seen your blog.
Andrew,
As you say: “when you haven’t yet achieved….”. That IS the key. I look back on my life and the times I have been the most envious is when I hadn’t really accomplished anything yet. Once you get those feelings of success, your self esteem and confidence is galvanized and hopefully, comparing yourself to others dissipates. At least, I know this has happened to me. Thanks for your blog posts!
P.S. Thanks for looking at my art!
Sheree